“They keep coming back in a bloodthirsty lust for HUMAN FLESH!”
Let’s face it, it’s been about 3 days since everyone has slayed Thanksgiving Day dinner, and I’m sure everyone still has leftovers stuffed to the brim of their fridge. I’m also pretty positive your tummy has taken a “hell no” stance on any more turkey sandwiches or Thanksgiving dinners in the traditional sense. Never fear, because I am here to give you a fun twist on how to pile those leftovers up in a way that your body, soul, and mind won’t reject like the Black X-mas re-make. Had your leftovers stolen by rabid Black Friday shoppers? Don’t you worry, because I’m also going to give you some of my go to recipes for this holiday season’s classic cuisine and the tools to construct this killer pizza. They can’t hurt you anymore.
Night of the Thanksliving Day Pizza
The only thing cooler than the film Night of the Living Dead, is the fact that THEE Judith O’Dea (Barbra) actually purchased my cookbook. When I recieved the news, I’m pretty sure I died, was ressurected, died again, and woke up and immediatly chugged a fifth of Dr. Pepper. I’m confident this may be more exciting then the day of my first born…although that feeling I may never know as after this weekend and taking a stroll by the American Girl doll store I instantly went home and threw my ovaries in a batch of battery acid. Anyways, this pizza’s flavors speak for themselves as it consists of a biscuit crust, a layer of stuffing mixed with gravy, another layer of turkey, and a top off of mashed potatoes with chives and black pepper. You won’t even miss the human flesh. If you have all your leftovers handy, you will only need to make the simple biscuit crust, so feel free to grab those instructions and then head straight to the assembly directions. Don’t want to cook at all? No big deal, just run to the store and sub a pre-made pizza crust. Vegetarian? Just eliminate the turkey, still tasty as can be.
Barbra’s Biscuit Crust Ingredients:
– 2 Cups All-purpose flour
– 1 Cup Bread flour
– 1 Tablespoon Baking Powder
– ½ Cup Butter
– ¾ cup Butter Milk
– 1 Teaspoon Minced Garlic
– 1 Teaspoon Honey
– ½ Teaspoon Salt
Directions:
In a large mixing bowl sift together both flours, baking powder, and salt. Mix in butter until the consistency resembles crumbs. Pour in milk, garlic, honey, and mix until dough becomes soft and pliable. Place dough onto a lightly floured surface and knead until it is no longer sticky, about 8 minutes. Add additional flour if needed. Roll dough out on a pizza dish with vent holes, leaving it about 1 inch thick. Set aside. Side note: Making these as individual biscuits? Roll the dough out to be about 1 inch thick and use a round cutter to form the biscuits. Place on a baking sheet and bake at 450 Degrees F for 10-12 minutes or until golden brown. Makes 10
Radiation Mashed Potatoes Ingredients:
– 2 Pounds Baking Potatoes, Peeled and quartered
– 2 Tablespoons Butter
– ¼ Cup Heavy Cream
– 2 Tablespoons Fresh Chives, diced
– 6 Garlic cloves, peeled
– 1/3 Cup Cream Cheese, softened
– Salt and Pepper to taste
Directions:
In a large saucepan bring water to a boil over high heat. Add whole garlic cloves and the potatoes. Cover and allow to cook for 20 minutes or until potatoes have softened. Drain water, and discard garlic cloves. In a small saucepan over low heat, heat butter, cream cheese, and heavy cream until butter has fully melted. Transfer the butter, cream cheese, and heavy cream to the potatoes and mash together until it becomes smooth and creamy. Add the fresh chives, and salt and pepper to liking. Side note: As an individual dish this serves 4-6.
Farmhouse Gravy Ingredients:
– 2 ½ Cups Chicken Broth
– 2 Teaspoons Chicken Bouillon Granules
– ½ Cup Milk
– ¼ Cup All-Purpose Flour
– ½ Onion, Roughly Chopped
– 1 Teaspoon Gravy Master browning sauce
– ¼ Teaspoon Black Pepper
Directions:
In a medium saucepan bring 2 cups of chicken broth to a boil over medium heat. Add onion and pepper and continue to cook covered for 10 minutes. In the meantime, heat up milk in a small saucepan over medium heat. Discard onions, and add bouillon granules stirring until they have dissolved. In a medium sized bowl mix together flour and ½ cup chicken stock. Next, gradually stir flour mixture into saucepan, followed by heated milk. Stir to combine. Bring the mixture to a boil and cook stirring constantly until it has thickened. Stir in browning liquid until you have the color you like. Side note: Want to make this Vegetarian? Substitute Vegetable broth in place of Chicken Broth and substitute Vegetable Bouillon for Chicken Bouillon. Just make sure to read the ingredients as some Vegetable Bouillons still contain meat products.
Survival Stuffing Ingredients:
– ¼ Cup Butter
– 10 Cups Dried Unseasoned Bread cubes
– 1 White Onion, Diced
– 2 Celery Stalks, Diced
– 2 Eggs, beaten
– 2 Cups Chicken Stock
– 2 Tablespoons Fresh Parsley, Chopped
– 1 Teaspoon Minced Garlic
– 1 Teaspoon Fresh Thyme, Diced
– 1 Teaspoon Fresh Sage, Diced
– ½ Teaspoon Fresh Rosemary
– ¼ Teaspoon Salt
– ½ Teaspoon Black Pepper
Directions:
Preheat oven to 350 Degrees F. In a large saucepan over medium heat, melt butter. Next, add all ingredients except, bread cubes, eggs, and chicken stock. Sauté mixture for 10 minutes, and then turn off the heat. Stir in chicken stock, and mix to combine. Add the bread cubes 1 cup at a time, gently stirring to coat after each addition. In a small bowl whisk both eggs together and then fold into the bread mixture until fully incorporated. In a large sized baking dish, bake stuffing covered for 30 minutes. Remove foil, stir, and continue to bake for 5 minutes longer or until slightly toasted on top. Side note: As an individual dish this serves 8. Also, to make this vegetarian substitute Vegetable stock for Chicken stock.
Night of the Thanksliving Day Pizza Ingredients:
– 2 Cups Premade store bought Turkey
– Fresh Chives, Chopped
– Pinch of Black Pepper
Directions To Assemble and Cook:
Preheat oven to 425 Degrees F. Roll out biscuit dough into a circle on a pizza tray leaving it about 1 inch thick. In a medium bowl, mix 2 ½ cups of stuffing with 1 cup of gravy. Spread the stuffing mixture on top of the biscuit crust. Follow with a layer of the turkey. Finish with 1 Cup of Mashed potatoes. Top with a generous amount of fresh chives and a sprinkle of black pepper. Bake for 10-15 minutes, or until crust is a golden brown.
Serves 4-6
