Death is a disability, not a superpower. It’s hard to run with a cold, let alone the most debilitating malady of them all.
~ Simon Pegg
I dedicate this post to Gonzo of the Horrorphilia podcast.
To some horror “rules” are rules that are to not be broken under any means what so ever. Somewhere at some point rules were made and many horror fans took it upon themselves to stick with tradition and never to break it. They choose to debate and rally against anything that even attempts to break the norm that the history before hand has set.
So in this I ask why the same folks who get pissed to the high heavens over a sparkly Vampire seem to shrug their shoulders once a person who’s been dead for YEARS drags themselves up from a grave and runs at such a speed it would make Jackie Joyner-Kersee jealous?
Zombies DON’T run folks, it’s as simple as that (They really should never be called “Zombies” either but that a whole other story in it’s self.)Why you may ask? Because it’s technically impossible. When we die my friends depending on what you believe your soul may very well go on to that great gig in the sky but rest a sure your body will rot. As horrible as that sounds it’s fact. If for some reason these decaying bodies ever rise they will be in far worse shape (usually) than they were before they were placed there. These corpses are decaying, rotting, falling apart, honestly it would take a miracle for them to even claw out of the ground much less run once they do. Once that happens the Zombie will walk very slowly depending on how the shape of the Zombie is. Fresher ones or ones in better shape may walk a little faster but rest a sure it’ll just be a walk.
So maybe the idea of a Zombie rotting and walking slowly doesn’t strike as much fear into you but a single Zombie has never been the problem. A whole army of them is where you get into your trouble.
But what about fresh bitten humans you ask? What about people who are in pretty good shape that have just died? Well it’s simple..rigor mortis.
If a person is already dead rigor mortis has surely set in causing everything inside you that works to shut down. Every Zombie has rigor mortis if this wasn’t the case they’d look a lot better than they do. Also with everything shutting down inside the body running once again would prove to be impossible.
In a human that has been bitten by a Zombie you’ll have to notice the death a bite brings doesn’t set in right from the start. The human will slowly die from the bite and by the time the turn has came the rigor mortis has already taken over the body and thus making a person turned by a Zombie into a Zombie unable to run and suffering the same horrible fate of slowly walking around the earth looking for people to eat until they run out of food and rot away or someone shoots them in the head.
When you see a Zombie walking at you slowly..perhaps in a group more so then solo, the terror comes from many perspectives. After all, you are looking at your future. One day we will all die and be what we see, that’s called psychological terror something you miss if you’re caught up in the high speed chase of running away from super Zombies who run and rip doors off of hinges and what have you.
The only time a running “Zombie” should be acceptable is in situations like 28 Days Later. When infected in 28 Days Later the victim gets the Rage Virus. This is a completely different thing than becoming a Zombie because the person isn’t slowly dieing because of being infected they are simply sick, just sick to the worse degree possible. So, no rigor mortis, no slowing down.
Films like the remake of Dawn of the Dead and the classic (that I love) The Return of the Living Dead are both very watchable films, but doesn’t Dawn lose something with the running Zombies? Return of the Living might lose some creepiness it’s self but the fact it’s a comedy also somewhat, dare I say, makes it excusable.
Fact (and my whole point) is slow moving Zombies have a level of creepy risen to a level of ten that is decreased in films where they run. While they run in the more pop corn eating fun Zombie films, all the truly horrifying Zombie films have the traditional slow moving Zombie. So while you may try to argue my point, can you argue with quality?
