NO, GOD! PLEASE NO!!! NOOOOOOOOOO
Creepshow III (2006)
Directed By: Ana Clavell & James Glenn Dudelson
The Prologue
Some movies in the world should never be made and 2006′s Creepshow III is a prime example of that. A sequel to the first two classic Creepshow films in name only, Creepshow III was made without any input from George A. Romero, Stephen King, or even Tom Savini. As a matter of fact, most people associated with the original films detest this one and with good reason. Savini has gone on record saying that Tales From The Darkside: The Movie is the legit Creepshow III and now after having seen the film with the Creepshow III title officially attached to it, I want to side with Tom.
The Movie
This follow-up to Stephen King and George A. Romero’s 1982 horror anthology features five new tales of horror: “Alice”, “The Radio”, “Call Girl”, “The Professor’s Wife” & “Haunted Dog”. Gone is the comic book feel of the original two and in it’s place is a film that tries very hard (and fails) to be the equivalent of a horror Pulp Fiction. If anything, this film should be a prime example that you just can’t make a horror anthology, slap the name “Creepshow” on it and make it work. And unfortunately for this film, it shows us that with George A. Romero and Stephen King, this thing just can’t cut the mustard.
Creepshow III marks the return of the five segment format that the original Creepshow had. But sadly this film lacks any of the cleverness or creativeness that Creepshow or Creepshow 2 had. The segments try and fail to be funny on every occasion, when they use CGI it’s some of the more horrible CGI I’ve seen, and the film tries and fails to be clever at every point, even having the stories jump time and intertwine in the fashion of Pulp Fiction, only everything here sucks. If you are a major fan of the first two Creepshow films, this film will not only disappoint you, it will piss you off.
The stories for this one are like Goosebumps TV show segment with an R rating. Stories of annoying teens, talking radios, dumb kids chopping someone up for an dumb reason, a serial killing hooker, and a bad hotdog that causes supernatural results, all make up this film. None are compelling, none are funny, none are scary or creepy and all result in you wanting to roll your eyes and look for the fast forward button on your remote. Having watched this thing while resisting the urge to speed by anything, I can honestly say I saw nothing here worth remembering and find it has no reason to re-watch any of it. I did however find tons of reason to try to convince myself that Creepshow III doesn’t really exists and that perhaps I somehow dreamed this live action nightmare up.
The Thing about any anthology films is that you usually find some little something to like about it. Perhaps one of the segments is good, but here in this film there is NOTHING at all good about it. Over the years there have many bastardized sequels to very popular films and this one might go down as the granddaddy of them all. James Glenn Dudelson, who directed Creepshow III, is currently attached as an executive producer on the upcoming Warner Bros. sequel, Creepshow 4, but it is understood that he will have no creative input. I say that’s great news as far as I’m concerned.
The Conclusion
I think it’s best for us all if we just try to block this out of our memories. I’ve heard rumors that George Romero and company may be back on board for Creepshow 4. I know George hasn’t been his old self either lately, but if this ship it going to sink, I’d love for it to be with the original captain and not some shoe-in director. Maybe they’ll do one better and call 4 Creepshow III and sweep this under the rug, because it’s horrible.
The Rating (3/10)
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