Well, it’s bad but amusing.
Elves (1989)
Directed By: Jeffrey Mandel
The Prologue
When in search for Christmas themed horror films, one might forget all about 1989′s Elves. And it’s alright if you have, especially if you weren’t around during those old days of VHS. You see, Elves, as far as I can tell, never made it’s way to a legit DVD release. And can only be seen today by buying a VHS tape, which seem to come at terribly high prices. Well, there is also other shady and underhanded ways to see it, but we don’t suggest that type of stuff here. I’m just saying, $100 brand new and $25 used for this on VHS, might be just a bit much for what you get.
The Movie
A young woman discovers that she is the focus of an evil Nazi experiment involving selective breeding and summoned elves, an attempt to create a race of supermen. She and two of her friends are trapped in a department store with an elf, and only Dan Haggerty, as the renegade loose-cannon Santa Claus, can save them…Um..yeaaah.
That right, folks! You got three girls who are pretty much doing witchcraft, you got Elves that look to be from the pits of hell, Nazis are here, and a vigilante Santa Clause. Add that all in with our lead’s foul mouthed little brother and I have no idea how this got a PG-13 rating, even in 1989. I suppose it just all adds up to the overall giant pile of ridiculous that is Elves. A film that I can’t call “good”, but it’s soo bad it’s watchable. I mean let’s be honest, what other movie that takes place around Christmas will show you a cat being drowned in the toilet?
The women in this film might think they are at the top of the food chain, but nobody here will graduate at the top of their acting class. As sad as it might seem, the foul mouthed little brother may be the best actor and he probably really is an asshole and not acting at all. Dan Haggerty, who you may recall from Grizzly Mountain, isn’t setting the world on fire as our “Santa” either, but at least we can give the man credit for looking the part and adding some realness to everything. Even if in a movie like this, that realness just gets wasted and makes you stand out like a pink elephant in a room.
There’s not a lot to really breakdown in the details. The plot is ridiculous, the acting is bad, and there’s just a whole lot that happens that makes you scratch your head because it just lacks any real sense. But on the flip-side of that, those nasty Elves look pretty cool and things are just so bad they somehow end up being amusing. It’s a movie you just can’t take seriously at all, but those are usually the best ones for watching at a party with a group of friends. The film ends in a way that might suggest a sequel, but as we all know we never got one. Maybe that’s a good thing? Because we still have this rare and very strange film. Some might say that’s a good thing, I suppose. I just think it’s odd, bad, but still somewhat funny to watch.
The Conclusion
One of the more strange Christmas themed horror movies out there. Not enough gore for me, but I’m just a gore fan so don’t take too much into that. But trust me when I tell you it’s amusing and interesting because of how bad it is. But this come at a time when bad movies could still make for one hell of a party.
The Rating (5/10)
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