“You’ve made it through Halloween, now try and survive Christmas”
I really think the writers were on to something with that tagline, because surviving Christmas is sometimes about as easy as winning the Olympics. I guess it could be worse though. I mean it’s not like any of you have any axe wielding maniacs dressed as Santa coming after you or anything. Unless maybe you have an Uncle who likes to hit the bottle a little to hard.
Billy never stood a chance. At a wee age he watched his parents get offed by a thief dressed as Santa. No, not at all traumatizing. In typical fashion, he is sent to an orphanage were the madness continues. Now we all have our trigger points, and surprise surprise, Billy being asked to wear a Santa suit at his new job ends up being his. Now we venture into bat shit crazy land, were everyone deemed naughty gets to die by the jolly man in the red suit.
Kind of like me on Black Friday, Silent Night, Deadly Night had a hard time seeing the light of day. Shortly after it’s debut, bored angry parents world wide went into protest mode. The films ads were yanked by networks immediately, and two weeks later it was pulled from theaters. Off to the movie graveyard it went to collect dust for almost a year, until it was finally released uncut on video. Oh happy day, oh happy day. Geeze, slashers and gratuitous nudity sure are great aren’t they?
Mother’s Superior Croissant
These special croissants were created with love. My love for pesto and goat cheese that is. The tang of the goat cheese meshes well with the subtle basil flavor of pesto, and it’s thrown over the top by the buttery flavor of the croissant. It’s the bread side dish you won’t want to feed to the dog, or play hockey with later.
Ingredients:
– 1 Package Pillsbury Original croissant
– 1 (3-4 Ounce) Package Pesto Sauce
– 1 (4 ounce) Package Goat cheese
– 1 Teaspoon Minced Garlic
– 1/4 Teaspoon Pepper
Directions:
Preheat oven to 375 Degrees F. Roll out the pillsbury croissants on a flat surface, and break into the designated triangles. In a small bowl, mix together goat cheese, minced garlic, and pepper. With a spoon, put a little bit of pesto on each triangle, and spread around until evenly covered. Next, spread a little of the goat cheese mixture over the top. Roll into a croissant like shape according to the package directions. (Or follow the pictures below) Bake for 10 minutes, or until golden brown.
Makes 8
Santa’s Merry Root Mash
This unique mash is the equivalent of the North Pole throwing up in your mouth, but in a good way. It has all the winter like flavors you could want out of a side dish on a cold night when you’re trying to ignore the people around you.
Ingredients:
– 3 Sweet Potatoes, Peeled and diced
– 1/2 Cup Butternut Squash, Peeled and diced
– 1/3 Cup Parsnip, Peeled and diced
– 1/4 Cup Heavy Cream
– 2 Tablespoons Butter
– 1 Tablespoon Brown Sugar
– 1 Tablespoon Maple Syrup
– 1 Teaspoon Honey
– 1 Teaspoon Cinnamon
– 1/2 Teaspoon Salt
– 1/2 Teaspoon Nutmeg
– Pinch Cayenne Pepper
– 1 Bag Mini marshmallows
Directions:
Preheat broiler to high. In a large saucepan, fill almost completely to the top with water, and bring to a boil over high heat. Reduce to medium heat, and then add sweet potatoes, squash, and parsnip. Cover and allow to cook for 25 minutes, or until very soft. Drain the water, and then return the cooked vegetables pack to the pot. Over a low heat, add remaining ingredients, except cream and marshmallows. Stir and mash everything together until a mashed potato like consistency begins to happen. Stir in the heavy cream, and mix until completely incorporated.
In a 8×10 lightly greased pan, transfer the mash mixture. Top with a generous amount of marshmallows to fully cover, and gently push the marshmallows into the mash. Sprinkle with a little extra brown sugar, and cook for 10 minutes, or until marshmallows are melted.
Serves 4-6
Silent Night, Deadly Pork Chop
This isn’t just any Sirloin Pork Chop, it’s one that’s soaked and glazed in the wonderful flavors that are honey and maple. Add in some herbs, spices, or even my special raspberry sauce (recipe to follow) and you may have a couple neighbors do the drop by during family dinner. Just hope they left the axe at home.
Ingredients:
– 4 (1/2 Pound each) Boneless Sirloin Pork Chops
– 1/2 Cup Soy Sauce
– 1 Cup Maple Syrup
– 1/3 Cup Olive Oil
– 1/4 Cup Honey
– 2 Tablespoons Liquid Smoke
– 2 Tablespoon Minced Garlic
– 2 Tablespoons Lemon Juice
– 1 Teaspoon Thyme
-1 Teaspoon Oregano
Directions:
In a medium sized container, place the pork chop. With a knife, make shallow jabs into the meat. In a medium size bowl, mix together all remaining ingredients. Pour over the pork, cover, and allow to chill for 8 hours.
Heat the oven to 375 Degrees F. In a baking dish, cook meat for 20-25 minutes (turning occasionally), or until a meat thermometer inserted into the thickest part of the meat reaches 160 Degrees F. Remove pork, and in a large skillet over high heat sear both sides of the meat to give it a golden brown finish. Allow to rest for 10 minutes before slicing.
Serves 4-6
Billy’s Risky Raspberry Sauce
Sweet sauces have been pairing with the saltiness of pork for ages now. Cranberries are usually a fan favorite when it comes to the berry of choice for pork, however, I feel like the raspberry needs a little love too. This recipe gives you the sweetness of the raspberries, but balances it a little with the other ingredients. If you want to keep the sauce as a liquid glaze to top omit the cornstarch step. To make the sauce a thicker dipping sauce, add the cornstarch.
Ingredients:
– 1 Cup Dry Red Wine
– 1 Cup Beef Broth
– 1/4 Cup Red Raspberry Preserves
– 1/2 White Onion, Roughly Chopped
– 1 Tablespoons Cornstarch
– 1/4 Cup Water
Directions:
In a medium sized saucepan, over medium heat, heat up the wine and broth. Add the onion to the liquid mixture, cover, reduce heat and allow to simmer for 20 minutes. Strain out and discard the onions. Return the liquid mixture back to the pan. Reduce the heat to low, and add raspberry preserves. Mix together, and allow to cook for 10 minutes, stirring until the raspberry is dissolved with the liquid. In a small bowl, mix together the cornstarch and water. Add it to the liquid mixture, and stir for 1 minute or until the mixture slightly thickens. Serve spooned over the pork chops.
Photo Copyright: Joe Montalto of Doom & Gloom Photography
