Now first off let me say just so nobody takes this the wrong way, I wish nothing more for these folks listed below here than to live long and healthy lives. I do not wish death or any ill will towards any of them BUT, in the same way it was fun seeing the gruesome death of Parish Hilton in “House of Wax” (probably the best part of the movie) below I’ve listed my top 5 celebrities I’d love to see bite the bullet in a horrible way in a horror film.
05 Tila Tequila
Now Tila is hot, no question about that at all. However Tila is the type of girl who KNOWS she hot and then goes out of her way to flaunt it. Also as of late you’ve probably heard of her breakdowns on social networks to which she’s went as far as to rant and get naked..the getting naked part wasn’t so bad, the ranting was. As a result the girl that got famous for pretty much nothing stays in the public eye by any means she can. So here’s something productive for her, get cast in some horror movie and die and slow painful death on screen! What would be the best way for Tila to go? Hmmmm?…Have her be in a horror film where the movie uses web-cams in different rooms for a reality shows gone wrong, think “Halloween: Resurrection”. Tila gets naked for a camera, just in time for our slasher to bust into the room!..Preferably with something that can make things really messy.
04 Tony Romo
You know I use to not be ashamed to admit that the Dallas Cowboys was a team that I had a soft spot for but since poor Troy Aikman (who probably don’t know he’s Troy Aikman right now) had to step aside it’s been down hill ever since. In stepped Tony Romo, a guy who’s confidence can’t be backed up on anything like SuperBowl rings. See, the only thing Tony has to show you how awesome he is, is his word..that simply won’t cut it. See it’s a shame to be the QB for the Cowboys and have your only claim to fam being relationships with Carrie Underwood and Jessica Simpson so how about Tony give it all up and go for movies? Who wouldn’t love to see him play the role of some cocky jock who meets his demise all “My Blood Valentine” style by getting his face dipped in a hot pot of bowling water?
03 Chad Kroeger
Truth is Mr.Kroeger hasn’t done much to justify someone wanting to see him get “off’d” in a horror film, well not much if we don’t count his little quote about how he doesn’t like being on TV because it doesn’t show him as good looking on the screen as he is in real life…Oh wait! I almost forgot, he did write that song “Far Away” that me and an ex use to call “our song” soooo TO HELL WITH HIM!!! Perhaps Chad could get some kinda walk on roll in an Asian film where he plays a singer for an American band. He could end up in trouble by some crazy Asian cult who tie him up so they can chop off his fingers so he would no longer be able to write song after song in the same three damn chords. After that?..Just let the mofo bleed to death.
02 Sarah Palin
You know there’s a very good reason the Republicans are out of office this term folks..and your looking at her. Sure Obama talked a mean game but it was Sarah’s lack of being able to talk that really did the ol’ GOP in. Not that I’m complaining about that, I’m just upset because once she lost I assumed I’d never hafta hear from her again until at least 2012, but thanks to a book she’s all over my TV once again. So if you really want to promote yourself Miss Palin, nothing says “Elect me in ’12″ like being killed in a horror movie. I mean, Ronald Regan had a movie career before he got in the White House right? Play some final girl’s gullible Mother in a slasher film and let some slasher do the rest.
01 Robert Patterson
Oh look! It’s every horror bloggers least favorite vampire! You know what really annoys me about this guy? His habit of always, ALWAYS touching his own damn hair in every interview he’s ever done. I mean I dunno if Kristen Stewart has given him cooties or what, but the guy just can’t leave his hair alone! So when he’s like 30 and his teen appeal has ran it’s course, and he’s done making silly movies where Vampires fall in love instead of bite people, and are able to walk around in the freakin’ daylight, maybe he’ll settle for a real horror film. One where at first something happens to cause him to loose his hair..I don’t care how he dies in it really, I’d be happy just to see the bastard loose his hair.
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