Rumpelstiltskin (2025) (Blu-ray Review)
DIRECTED BY: Andy Edwards
STARRING: Hannah Baxter-Eve, Joss Carter, Adrian Bouchet
RATED: UR/Region: A/Widescreen/1080P/NUMBER OF DISCS 1 (BD-r)
AVAILABLE FROM Rising Sun Media
There are bad horror movies.
There are misguided horror movies.
And then there’s Rumpelstiltskin (2025), directed by Andy Edwards — a film that bravely asks, “What if we took a public domain fairy tale and did absolutely nothing interesting with it?”
Bold. Daring. Questionable.
Let’s start with the obvious: turning Rumpelstiltskin into a horror villain should be easy. He’s already a creepy little deal-making goblin who steals children. That’s a free layup. Instead, this movie treats the concept like a group project where nobody wanted to be there. The result feels less like a twisted reimagining and more like a contractual obligation.
The tone is all over the place. Is it campy? Is it grim? Is it trying to be clever? The answer seems to be “yes,” but in the most noncommittal way possible. Scenes lurch from awkward exposition to half-hearted scares to dialogue that sounds like it was written during a lunch break. The characters exist solely to wander into dim lighting and make decisions that would get them disqualified from basic survival instinct training.
And then there’s Rumpelstiltskin himself.
You’d think the titular villain would at least bring some chaotic menace. Instead, he feels like he wandered in from a community theater rehearsal and forgot which genre he was performing in. The makeup and design try very hard to be unsettling, but when your big bad inspires more eye-rolling than dread, something has gone deeply, fundamentally wrong.
The scares? Generous use of the word. The movie leans heavily on loud noises and sudden cuts — the horror equivalent of someone clapping behind you and calling it storytelling. There’s no buildup, no atmosphere thick enough to chew on, just a series of moments that feel assembled rather than crafted.
And the pacing. Oh, the pacing. It drags in the middle like it’s trying to spin straw into runtime. By the third act, you’re not rooting for anyone to survive — you’re just hoping the end credits show up before Rumpelstiltskin tries to negotiate for another sequel.
To be fair, there are flashes of ambition here. You can see what the film wants to be: a dark, modern fairy tale with bite. But wanting and achieving are very different things. This ends up feeling like bargain-bin folklore horror — the kind of movie you accidentally click on while scrolling and immediately regret.
Rumpelstiltskin (2025) isn’t terrifying, isn’t clever, and isn’t campy enough to be fun. It’s just there. Spinning straw. Going nowhere.
And honestly? I’d rather owe the imp my firstborn than sit through it again.
Extras
- Trailers
