The Sand (2015) (Blu-ray Review)
DIRECTED BY: Isaac Gabaeff
STARRING: Brooke Butler, Meagan Holder, Cleo Berry
RATED: UR/REGION O/1:85/1080P/NUMBER OF DISCS 1 (BD-r)
AVAILABLE FROM Rising Sun Media
Imagine Jaws, but if the shark was replaced with… sand. Yes, sand. That gritty stuff you shake out of your swimsuit and curse for three days after a beach trip? It’s now the villain. Welcome to The Sand (2015), a horror movie that boldly asks: What if the beach itself was trying to kill you? And then answers with: terrible CGI, inexplicable plot choices, and a whole lot of screaming in bikinis.
A group of spring breakers—think human Doritos with abs—party on the beach and wake up to discover they’re trapped. Not by hangovers or moral consequences, but by sentient flesh-eating sand. Step on it, and you’re sand food. Stay on a rock, a lifeguard tower, or a conveniently placed picnic table? You survive. For a while.
The source of the carnivorous grit? A mysterious glowing egg found the night before (because nothing says “Don’t touch this” like alien glow-ball vibes). One dude touches it, and boom—dead. The next morning, the beach becomes a sarlacc pit with a sand fetish.
The cast features your typical horror archetypes:
Brook Butler as Kaylee, the Final Girl™ who survives through a combination of common sense and the sheer power of her crop top.
Cleo Berry as Gilbert, a man tragically stuck in a trash can for most of the film. No, really. He’s the smartest one because he can’t touch the ground—but also the saddest, because he’s literally in a can.
Mutant Sand Blob as itself, stealing scenes and lives like a discount Dune worm with a lower VFX budget and fewer career prospects.
They all communicate by screaming, panicking, and sometimes making oddly calm decisions considering the literal sand beneath their feet is eating people alive. Priorities, folks.
Special Effects: 2005 Called and Wants Its Software Back
Let’s talk about the CGI, which is possibly the true horror of this film. Picture a Photoshop filter come to life. The sand monster effects are so laughably bad, they make Sharknado look like Interstellar. Victims are dragged under in ways that suggest the animators ran out of time, money, and will to live.
One guy gets his face eaten off while trying to run away barefoot (because again—sand is the enemy), and it looks like a Windows XP screensaver turned hostile.
Was it supposed to be funny? Probably not. But it is. The Sand plays it straight, which only makes it funnier. The dialogue is so stilted you can hear the writer typing it live. Every line is delivered like it’s a serious Oscar contender, which makes moments like “THE SAND IS EATING HIM!” so unintentionally hilarious, you might actually cry.
Also, the amount of time characters spend yelling each other’s names instead of, say, running for their lives, is impressive. It’s like they think proper communication can defeat evil sand.
Is The Sand a good movie? No. God, no. It’s terrible. But it’s gloriously terrible. Like a dumpster fire on the beach, it’s impossible to look away from. It’s the kind of movie you watch with friends at 2AM with greasy snacks and running commentary. It’s cinematic junk food. And much like sand itself, it sticks with you in the most irritating yet unforgettable ways.
Extras
- Trailers
